Arlo Gust

(Read: ~9 minutes)

Preparing to call the number La Bohème put on her note, I thought back to the crypto conference, Sunny Wang and his enthusiasm for BohoCoin, Bohemia’s proposed cryptocurrency. Sunny set off my bullshit meter the first time by claiming enough people already vowed to buy the strip mall psychic’s coin to make the venture viable. According to Sunny, Bohemians viewed purchasing BohoCoin as investment and ownership in the movement forming around La Bohème.

The needle on my BS meter pegged when he added to his explanation. “The underlying worth of modern money comes from enough people accepting ideas, trust, identity, utility, difficult to express only with numbers. In this way, BohoCoin resembles any currency before it,” he claimed. “But in meaningful ways, BohoCoin represents a dramatic shift in what money can be and why people want it. Unlike any previous currency, crypto, precious metal or paper, the underlying value of BohoCoin comes from the answers to universal questions about why we exist and why we matter. The currency opens the door to an expanded consciousness of independent yet connected communities revolving around La Bohème, preserved forever on the blockchain.”

In the hour scheduled for the panel talk, Sunny chipped away at my skepticism by piggybacking his plugs for BohoCoin on mainstream ideas discussed by the dais. He stayed on point without getting too technical while describing the decentralized nature of their plan. For example, Sunny explained how independent nodes formed the infrastructure for BohoCoin and how each node provides an entry point into the Bohemia multiverse. In addition to being gateways, the nodes also store and validate every block of information generated across the entire network, one unbroken chain of protected and verified data. When the conversation turned to why a user chooses a cryptocurrency instead of traditional government currencies, Sunny explained BohoCoin enjoyed an inherent audience, Bohemians, poised to support the community by spending BohoCoin in numerous planned digital marketplaces full of pieces of Bohemian ephemera turned permanent like an individual pixel once composing part of the world’s largest digital portrait of La Bohème displayed in Times Square.

Not only was BohoCoin the cryptocurrency model of the future, it represented a monetary value of the world’s next great philosophy. No surprise, he stood to collect a lot of coins from the launch, backed by humanity’s never-ending spiritual quest. There’s never a shortage of gurus selling insights and explanations, directions and rules to follow, available in various shapes and sizes to suit any taste. Certainly tying new-age, metaphysical world-views to a cryptocurrency is a peculiar way to take people’s money in the name of belief, though one reminiscent of multi-level religious scams. For example, internet blessing looms are modern versions of old fashioned pyramid schemes. The hopeful make a prayer in the form of small cash deposits into the blessing loom, expecting their return in the form of a lucrative payback down the road consisting of their original investment plus profit on their prayer. These scams constantly evolve to take advantage of available technology, but generally rely on greed and an ever-increasing pool of investors to pay the expected returns to the earlier entrants. When the pool of suckers eventually dries up, the whole pyramid crashes down, usually screwing everyone except the scammers and/or founders.

Sunny was born Sun Ma Wang Chen-chih in Hebei Province, northwest of Beijing towards Inner Mongolia. The second son of a municipal bureaucrat, Sunny faced a world of limited opportunities. In his early twenties, he left China to study in the States and never returned. By most accounts, Sunny is quick to laugh and slow to anger, which made him useful early in his career to unfriendly people. After graduating from a state college in California, Sunny made a name for himself influencing the burgeoning blockchain ecosystem. Unfortunately, most of the ideas Sunny promoted never panned out and a couple of high-profile failures eventually made his prognostication reputation stink worse than a fish washed up on the beach.

After the conference, the reason Sunny seemed familiar occurred to me. His most infamous experience came several years before while promoting a crypto-based food delivery app. To do so, he dressed in a pizza-slice shaped mascot suit and handed out free pizza in New York City. Although the self-styled Mr. Pepperoni successfully drew attention to the app at the time, the company folded less than a year later amid rumors of the company’s CEO using American dollars to pay for Russian strippers and Mexican cocaine. Yet to this day, the legend of Sunny a.k.a. Mr. Pepperoni lives on in crypto lore, though the name of the executive who destroyed the company is forgotten.

Astute observers point out the cryptocurrency Sunny used to buy the giveaway pies grew substantially in value after he spent it. At peak value, the coins he spent would later be worth a small yacht or private jet. Even though Mr. Pepperoni became the poster child for the volatility and speculative nature of the cryptocurrency industry, Sunny isn’t to blame. Plenty of currencies go belly up, and the coins used on the giveaway could have been worthless now. Small fish like Sunny get tossed around by powerful waves and usually wash up dead on the beach. A miracle happened for him when La Bohème resuscitated his career.

Tracing my finger along the edge of the wax imprint on the back of the envelope, a clip I’d seen once popped into my mind, dolphins riding waves next to surfers, having fun and living free in the wash. Impulsively, my mind dumped me in a tank filled with dolphins kept for acid experiments, compelled to act in ways outside of their control. Holding the note, I felt the same way, being at the beck and call of La Bohème, but called anyway.

The phone only rang once before Sunny answered and began speaking. “Hello, good to hear from you,” he answered cheerily. “La Bohème has been expecting your call.”

A week passed between the call and my arrival in Charlottesville and Sunny insisted on picking me up at the airport. The plan he and I agreed to in advance was to go see La Bohème straight away, but the plans changed without my knowledge. “Sorry, a conflict came up for La Bohème this afternoon,” he informed me while we walked towards his car in the parking lot.

“Really? Or is she screwing with me?”

“She’s always busy. Always demands on her time. Unfortunately, you must wait your turn.”

“She enjoys making people wait.”

“If you want to go, Connie Nelson invited you to join her for lunch at one of her restaurants in Bohemia. I can take you there. Afterwards, maybe La Bohème will be available, we’re not sure. She’ll update us later.”

People changing plans without notice is irritating and makes me think manipulation. But, I agreed to lunch since talking with Connie would be necessary for the story, plus my stomach growled for food.

“Great! La Bohème loves this place. All the food is vegan. If you want to kiss up, order her favorite meal, the vegan cheese pizza with cauliflower crust pizza and simulated pepperoni, plus a side of sweet potato fries,” Sunny advised me. He responded to my disapproving look, alleging that a lot of people don’t even realize all the food comes from plants. The expression on my face didn’t improve. We started our way in his practical sedan. On the outskirts of town, Charlottesville resembled the sprawl you find everywhere up and down the East Coast. My mind pictured green rolling hills filled with sheep and cows instead of shopping centers, gas stations and fast food chains.

“Hope you had a smooth flight,” Sunny said, attempting small talk.

“Yeah, no problem,” I replied, but quickly preempted any further chit-chat. “Listen, Sunny, after hearing your pitch a few weeks ago at the crypto conference, I’m fairly skeptical about La Bohème and BohoCoin. Though there’s no doubt you folks will make lots of money, is there anything worth a damn backing the idea besides the answers to the meaning of life? Convince me BohoCoin isn’t just an innovative and opportunistic scam.”

“At least you’ve got an open mind,” he laughed. “Seriously though, I’m glad you accepted the invitation to come to Bohemia to find the answers you want.”

His spin made me chuckle and I started to needle him just to see what happened and threw my first verbal jab while he drove. “I didn’t recognize you at first when you spoke at the conference, afterwards, it hit me. I’m impressed that you keep finding opportunities after all the setbacks in your professional career.”

The comment didn’t get under his skin so I kept trying.

“I mean, you’re just kind of a cheerleader, right? Maybe a mascot?”

My needling still failed to get a response from Sunny.

“Actually, now that I think about it, I question why La Bohème sent you here to deal with me. Your track record indicates you don’t know shit.”

He tapped a few annoyed fingers on the steering wheel before he finally responded. “As expected, you’ve done your homework on me. It’s difficult out in front of everyone else, time needs to catch up to innovation. Blockchain and cryptocurrencies will continue to spawn innovative business models and support new industries. Some will prove viable and some will fail. Personally, BohoCoin failing would be devastating. Since nothing is impossible, I focus on successful outcomes instead.”

“Yeah, to paraphrase your commentary about BohoCoin from the crypto conference … owned by believers … controlled by no one in particular … eternalized in the blockchain … transform our world … and so on.”

“Succinct. I may borrow pieces,” Sunny joked.

“Except, all the secrets contained and waiting in Bohemia don’t appear any different from countless prior scams promising to reveal the way to eternal happiness,” I continued my argument.

“La Bohème never promises a way to happiness, rather millions of ways, because we each possess our own. And BohoCoin empowers each member of the community to find their way forward how they please. Bohemians investing in their own happiness will make Bohemia a stronger community. Working with La Bohème has been the best situation in my life. She’s the reason I came to the States, despite the reason staying hidden for a while. After immigrating, I wanted to be myself, desperately, perhaps for the first time ever. But inside me, there was still a desire to join others on our crazy adventure. There’s no better description for Bohemia. I’m free to be myself and connected to a timeless entity, always have been and always will be. You are too, somehow. There’s always a reason for what she does.”

I laughed at his answer and told him he sounded no different than a member of a cult of personality, selling mystical snake oil of dubious quality, while applauding his underlying capitalist cynicism. Sunny kept smiling, both hands on the steering wheel. “Of course, anyone can say what they want about La Bohème and Bohemia,” he answered. “You’re an excellent business reporter, no doubt whatever you write will be fair and accurate.”

By then, no one could tell exactly what would turn out accurately concerning the future cryptocurrency. In terms of potential value, plenty of crypto industry pros touted the coin’s upside, especially with the catalyst of a charismatic leader. Futures for BohoCoin consistently tracked with top cryptocurrencies around the world, which meant, in theory, the potential market value of Bohemia and its potential universe of assets already rivaled legacy media companies.

As we drove by, Sunny pointed out the perimeter wall of the university and The Corner, and Wahooz Records, disco lights flashing inside. He advised we were only a few minutes away from Bohemia.

“So, when will the launch finally happen?”

“Unfortunately, I have no comment at the moment,” Sunny demurred.

“Fair enough. I’ll just ask Connie Nelson instead. I’m glad La Bohème arranged for me to talk with someone who knows what’s going on, and when.”

Sunny listened and smiled while he slowed the car down, then pulled into the parking lot of the vegan restaurant. The building was clearly the former site of a fast food chain, with the branding removed but an orange and brown motif still noticeable on the exterior. He found the last empty space and parked the car and pulled up on the parking brake. “I’m hungry. Let’s go eat,” he said, snatching the keys from the ignition.